I was recently inspired by a line in the AppleTV+ sitcom “Ted Lasso.” 

In the television show, Coach Ted Lasso (Jason Sudeikis) is an American football coach hired by the fictional British soccer club AFC Richmond.

In episode two, Sam Obisanya (Toheeb Jimoh) is bested by another team member, Jamie Tartt (Phil Dunster). Obisanya drops to the ground and begins hitting the ground in disappointment after failing to maintain control of the ball. Then, to add insult to injury, Tartt approaches him and makes degrading comments about his lack of performance.

Lasso notices Obisanya is “down in the dumps” and calls him over to talk about what has happened.

Lasso asks him if he knows what animal is the happiest on Earth.

Obisanya gives Lasso a blank look and says, “no.”

“Goldfish,” Lasso replies. “Got a 10-second memory; be a goldfish, Sam.”

I don’t know if there is any science to prove whether a goldfish has a 10-second memory, but that’s not the point here. Lasso uses this metaphor to encourage Obisanya to forget how Tartt treated him and move forward.

It’s never easy to forget when someone has been mistreated or disrespected, but sometimes forgiving and forgetting can allow a person to heal. 

Every person on Earth has experienced being wronged, whether it was an intentional direct attack by another person, an accident or a misunderstanding. Being wronged by someone can be hard to shake, but the benefits far outweigh the damage when forgiving and forgetting.

The Mayo Clinic staff published an article entitled “Forgiveness: letting go of grudges and bitterness.”

In the article, Mayo Clinic staff members said forgiveness led to improved health and peace of mind. The result of forgiveness was healthier relationships, improved mental health, less anxiety, stress and hostility, lower blood pressure, fewer symptoms of depression, a more robust immune system, improved heart health and improved self-esteem.

The article also listed the effects of holding a grudge and refusing to forgive wrongdoing.

The list of effects included bringing anger and bitterness into relationships and new experiences, the inability to enjoy the present, becoming depressed or anxious, losing the ability to find meaning in life or purpose and losing valuable and enriching connectedness with others.

It can be challenging to address wrongdoing, but a May 2019 article published by Harvard Men’s Health Watch can help make the process easier.

The article entitled “The power of forgiveness” discusses the several aspects of forgiveness and the lasting effects on a person’s health and well-being when one refuses to forgive and let things go.

The article discusses the REACH method. REACH is an acronym for recall, empathize, altruistic gift, commit and hold.

The first step is to recall the specific incident that occurred and made someone feel they were wronged.

The second step is to empathize. This step challenges the wronged person to consider the other person’s perspective, take-in their point of view and consider their circumstances.

The third step is an altruistic gift. This step is about recognizing that forgiving someone’s wrongs and being forgiven for one’s own wrongdoings is altruistic or selfless. 

The final two steps go hand-in-hand. The fourth step is to commit, and the last step is to hold. 

Though a person will never entirely forget how they felt when they were wronged, committing to forgiveness will help with the healing process. People are far more likely to remember how they felt when they were forgiven than when they were wronged.

I would like to challenge those reading this article to think about the wrongdoing that is currently “grinding their gears.” I further challenge them to take this opportunity to address that wrongdoing, make amends and move forward. 

“Be a goldfish.”