Here I am, bouncing off the walls and not knowing what to do with myself. I have always needed to be busy, so I have, over the years, worked steadily and some times I’ve had two jobs at once. I may grumble at the situation I put myself in, but for the most part I like to be busy.
On the 12th of March, I was tested for Covid and put on at least a week isolation until results came back. Well they came back negative, but I was still very sick and didn’t get my doctor release until the 20th of March. I was excited to go back to work but upon calling with the good news, I found I had been taken off the schedule. Granted we didn’t know the end date of my isolation, so part of me understood it, but what was I going to do with my time now?

Being 70 years old and kind of lazy I was excited to get up anytime, take a nap anytime, eat whenever and don’t get dressed if I didn’t want to. It didn’t work out like that at all. I’m always up early, so staying in my pattern I went to the truck stop for coffee, then an early morning drive around just to make sure things were “normal” in town. Well we all know things aren’t normal at all, but I’m trying.
I have always hated change of any kind and my kids have told me a hundred times that change is good. No, it’s not. I like my little box that makes me feel secure and safe. After a massive anxiety attack (we’re talking ER) the doctor gave me something that would help. Up until a couple of weeks ago I would have told anyone that the pills weren’t working as I didn’t feel any different, but all of a sudden I’m okay with finding a “new normal” and one of my kids is the one yelling “I want things back the way they were”. Guess what? That is NOT going to happen. So, I’m trying to find a new way to cope.
I have been humbled not having a job and an income, but I also found parts of myself I didn’t know was there. I went to get commodities and found they weren’t delivering because of the health risk, so I loaded my car and drove around finding people that I knew needed this gift of food and delivered a box. I was very careful to stay away from the doors as soon as they opened it but felt so wonderful doing this small thing for them. I also have been going to the Pizza Place to get their free bread every other day and letting others that need it know that it’s there if they need it. We are a geriatric town for the most part and there are several older people (listen to me?) that aren’t as fortunate as I am, so yes, I also signed up to be a helper if needed.
So, at the end of the day, (and not working I’m never sure what day it is), I found that maybe being out of work for a bit is going to be a good thing. Parts of me that never had to come to the forefront have emerged and I like this part of me. I might be a totally different person by the end of the pandemic. I would even like to foster an animal if we had any close enough, and I’m terrified of dogs, but I’d do it in a heartbeat. So, go figure. Maybe this was my big red flag showing me the way to be a more compassionate person.